3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
