dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
