Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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