i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
