hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
