I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
