went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
