I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
