My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
