this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hippo gnu deer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
