Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
