Your dad touched me again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
