The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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