his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You dont lie about slip and slides
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
