Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
