Me. At least after what I've been through.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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