And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
