Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
