hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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