my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We don't watch enough power rangers
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
