real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
