Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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