i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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