Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
