when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
