I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
