I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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