A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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