i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
