The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
