I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
