Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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