ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
