6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
His nipple licking is glorious
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