By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
