so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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