Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
