That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
