The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
