Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
