someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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