I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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