go do what you do best...puke behind churches
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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