Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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