I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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