We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize