i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
