I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we should paint friendship bongs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
