He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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