I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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