***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
