i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
