every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
