I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
