He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize