Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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