She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize