I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
