My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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