i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm too high and old for this...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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