her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
