This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Boobs are out for the taking
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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