I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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