Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
