i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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