It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think people are normalizing furries
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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