I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
