No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i out mim tonsoeep
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize