I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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