last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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