I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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