today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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