She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
