His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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