I just saw a hot homeless man
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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