My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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