So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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