Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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