before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
