Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
