you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
