I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize