matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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