I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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