I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
