He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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