also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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