the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
