but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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