just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
