Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
