It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
