I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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