I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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