While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
