First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The air was thick with penises
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ate ashes out of my bong
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
