when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
