There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
