apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
