Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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