I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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