you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
