I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
