I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
A+ Viking dick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
