Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
did i just pee glitter
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
