It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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