He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
