the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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