I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
