I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Panties = found
Randomize
