we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just googled if crying burns calories
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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