I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize