The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
