Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
