Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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