At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
