Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
