sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
