I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
