it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
