My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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