I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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