whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
