Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
